Those who do not inherit
Whereas I was born as the daughter of a lord chandollor to my own family, my father was the second son in his family. His parents lived in a rural area with strong primogeniture. Thus, he, a common working man, had no property to pass on to his children just like too many others. My relatives customarily did not seem to count me as one of the heirs because I was a woman. I did not like my position, feeling as if being thrown out of my homeland and kinship in a patriarchal system. But I was free without much family responsibility.
I set my sights on a university in search of a place to be rooted into as my parents had suggested to me to make my own living with whatever I wanted to do. With the background of my father being the only one university graduate and none others in his family, my mother, who was reluctant to pay even my high school tuition fees, appeared inwardly not to be in favour of her daughter going on to university. But those around her repeatedly said to her,
”Don’t worry, things will work out somehow”
“You can make a way of living no matter what you do”
So, she eventually gave in and agreed to my decision for a higher education.
It was those good old days when most of the top 30 rated companies in the world were Japanese and that people seemed to have taken it for granted.
My father was a man of few words to his children, and I came to know much later that he dared to keep his words in his heart about my education and other matters.
Looking back, he never said things such as “behave like a woman” or “because you are a woman.” Wishing me to be happy and healthy, he just silently and smilingly watched over me and raised me to be able to soar with my own wings into a world that was separated from the yoke of womanhood.
Though university entrance examinations were so keen and competitive since my parents were born in the first baby boomer generation and so was I in the second, I managed to get into a university. There I soon realised that four years of undergraduate studies were not enough to get a job and decided to go on to postgraduate school to acquire the skills and qualifications to become a clinical psychologist in pursuing a professional career. I kept studying while working part-time for my tuition and fees.
I majored in psychology, hoping to produce structures that help to make the most of each individual in life and enhance creative mutual exchanges with their energy, rather than destructive ones like wars. Anyway, since any member of my family and relatives had hardly experienced higher education to begin with, I had to feel my way for university entrance examinations and student life.
My father used to work so hard at his job in Tokyo: sometimes over 16 hours a day! We had very limited time to see each other even though we lived under the same roof. Despite such was our daily living then, he was always there to protect me even with his few words.
Joy of self-seizing opportunities
Psychiatric adolescent wards in hospitals, children and students' home visits sent by the Board of Education, psychiatric hospitals in the suburbs, student counseling at universities - into these fields I was allowed to practice and learn since the time I was still a postgraduate student. After being qualified as a clinical psychologist, I worked with clients in a variety of settings, including as a university lecturer.
In those clinical fields, my coworkers and I had numerous encounters of what could only be described as miracles. We had such experiences of fostering favorable changes, improvements and solutions after many difficult days while all the parties involved had to pull together in full to solve issues.
“Serendipity" is a word that describes an unexpected turning point that comes to us from outside of our intentions and expectations. ”When, what and how it happens” could often only be described as coincidence. It seems to me that everyone has this kind of a turning point in life that they just "seize" by themselves, and a world moves in a big way.
Looking back, this was also the case with my "habit" of applying for a lottery. I wanted to go on a trip like others did, but there was only so much a primary school child could do for it. I would usually accompany my mother to help her shop after school, and before long I noticed entry forms around checkout counters and started applying for prizes. And I was lucky enough to be invited on a trip to a highland dairy farm, whose one of products was obviously milk, one of my favourites.
Being wrapped with the refreshing air of the highland farm all around me, my favourite milk tasted even better. They kindly offered me,
”As much as you like, please.”
It was so thrilling to feel the fresh milk going down my throat and my stomach full of milk, together with the pleasure of the trip I had gotten a chance by myself: I won’t forget that. I was so attracted to the farm and those farmers I saw for the first time that my hunger to know more, sort-of intellectual hunger, was stimulated deeply and grew stronger. And it is not an end once a dream comes true; through such experiences over the years, I have learned that once you realise your dream, a world around you would open up to you even wider.
Since my childhood — generally small and weak, I had no idea back then — but, I had a feeling that I would have encounters to lead me to happiness when I myself dared to reach out.
And what a surprise it is!
...to realise that this optimistic view in me has not changed even now, after all those twists and turns in life so far!
Perhaps it might be that the wind of the world has been gentler than the air created by the mainstream relatives of mine back then.
I can create a better world with and through my own hands: such thrilling joy has built me up and sustained me, supporting me with more intense energy than with those inherited.